Yesterday was the day after I ate nothing. Well, I did eat that bag of Frazzles and it's not the first day I've eaten no dinner (which is the only time I eat) but it's the first in a couple of months. I just didn't fancy anything after cooking for the family. It happens. Not wise, under normal circumstances, but STUPID when you're in my (stupid) shoes, I know. I just didn't feel like it. And I am getting embroiled (and I realize it so I don't have a disorder) of actually liking the way I look now.
I want to be thin but I'll never look thin because of my breasts. I should get reduction and, hell, if 2 breast surgeons (I have a history of breast lumps) have told me I needed reduction because of their size and my height (or lack, thereof) then I really should consider it seriously. My excuse, in the past, was that I wanted to be able to breastfeed my children. And I did. For 8 years of my life (total). They did their job well. But that's over now and I should get them done, shouldn't I?? Wade said that he'd stand by whatever decision I make. But, am I wanting them reduced NOW because I want to look thin or because I need them done? I am down to a DD cup (going to try bras on today) from an H (horrendous) and I know the DDs I have now are big on me. So is it necessary. Some women would probably like to have a small body and big boobs. Some women PAY to have big boobs on a small body.
I've never really had a problem with them as far as pain was concerned (OK, that's a lie because I do get horrible upper back pain from time to time but not often these days because of all the weights I do) so is this a wise choice for me? My main concern is that I have had keloid scarring on my back and shoulder (surgeries) but I have had surgeries on both breasts (to remove lumps) and did not get a keloid either time. Keloid risk is why I have never risked Lasik. I asked an optician once why she wore glasses when Lasik was available and she said she had a risk of keloid scarring so she would not do it. So is it worth the risk of possible keloid (and it would be extensive in reduction surgery) scarring... Hmmm. I suppose I could go and see a surgeon about it and get more information. If I was bound (well, if my breasts were bound!) then I probably would lessen the risks of scarring anyway. I'll think about it.
Anyway, last night I ate a cheddar omelette. Huge dinner. 2 eggs. I have noticed that I eat more supplements than food. No, that wasn't what I was going to say. I have noticed that I don't have to take as much apple cider vinegar as I used to. But then that's because I don't eat more times a day. If I eat once then I only take it once (and sometimes nonce - ha! Is that even a word? I mean none) a day.
The children and Wade were happy to see me eat something. Whoopee.
I have noticed the last 5 times I've done my 100 mins on the treadmill that I get a pain in my right side (in the rib area). It feels like a stitch but it's a bit higher than where you'd normally get a stitch. This morning I got it in both sides. It's a real pain (literally). I was telling Wade about it and he asked if I wanted to see a doctor, Am I dying? I doubt it. So why should I see a doctor. Besides, if I told a doctor what I do (exercise-wise) and what I eat (or don't eat) he'd have something to say about it. And it probably wouldn't be good, right? I don't think it's cramps (I take potassium supplements). It might be a stitch. Who the hell knows. I'll leave it a couple more weeks and see if it goes away by itself.
Holly keeps telling me my legs are looking gross because they are too muscular. Um, I walk 8 miles a day and I do leg (weighted) exercises every other day also. She also says my arms look gross. Nice, Holly. She just doesn't think women should have marked muscle tone. One day she will. Besides, it's not like I look like a body builder or anything. I just have good muscle mass and it's not hidden under a layer of fat. I like it and I work hard at it and I will continue to work at it. Oh, and (and this I find funny) my bottom is too small! My bottom!? LMAO (and I don't even, apparently, have one to laugh off). Who would have thought it.
When we were in England my cousin commented on how all the women have large arses (in our family) and that Holly's was fantastic. We love bums - that was the first thing I noticed about Wade when I met him. He was playing pool and was bent over the table and I drooled. He noticed my hair (he says). I had it in an odd high pony and he thought it looked like a pineapple. He also claims he never noticed my boobs. As if. But, yes, he has a lush bum and I noticed it and he still has a lush bum and I still notice it. I love bums. Holly has a bum J Lo would probably love (I think J Lo's arse is gross - too bloody big but it does defy gravity still so it could be worse). Billy, on the other hand, wears jeans that are so loose that you don't notice his rather lovely bottom. Oliver has a cute bum too. Mine, not so much. It's vanished. I'm adding onto my bum exercises because I want a bigger bum. We'll see if it works. Now, if only I could get Wade to... well, I won't go there.
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