So many reasons why people shouldn't marry and shouldn't be able to marry, even in this day and age... Back when my parents were thinking of marrying there were different reasons (reasons which still stand today in many countries and cultures). My dad was from Bangladesh and my mum from Spain. HUGE differences in backgrounds, cultures, upbringing, colouring, etc. etc. etc. And, let's not forget the language barriers. My father spoke Bengali (he went to England when he was 20, I believe) and my mother spoke Spanish but both spoke English well enough and were studying it in order to become fluent. Still, big huge differences. But they still got married anyway. And remained married till my father died last June. Theirs was a volatile union. They thrived on drama and turmoil. And it was not always good. Still, they endured and seemed to work that way. I couldn't. I'd have several ulcers. I can't live with constant fighting and stress. And the rest. Anyway, that was their relationship and they obviously enjoyed it that way. So, my brother and I were the product of a mixed union - EuroAsian. Asian, in England, is the term for people from the middle east. Here, in the US, it's the term from people from the Orient. So, my brother and I didn't fit into any specific category when we were children. Most of our friends were Anglo (read: white) even my best friend whose parents were both foreign but they were Poles (from Poland, duh lol) so she blended in :)
Soooooooooooooooooooo, I really wasn't going to get into my parents' relationship because there was some really scary stuff that my brother and I both witnessed and I know we're not the only ones who've had to endure that kind of stuff but many couples who go through that don't remain together.
My relationship with Wade started off as any would. We saw each other in a pub, the Bird In Hand. I was there with my cousin and we'd met some GIs, one of whom she was dating casually at the time, and we were watching a game of pool. Wade was playing and all I could see was his rather delicious bum. His bum in those tight jeans was just drool-worthy. I couldn't take my eyes off his rear end. And then I looked a little lower and noticed his rather spectacular thighs. Grrrrrrrr. Lovely legs. He's a tennis player and still plays now during the weekends. He was also a runner so he had rather wonderful legs and a butt that was a joy to behold (still is!). So, there I was noticing his delightful arse and legs and what did he notice about me? He noticed my hair! WTH? My hair??? Yes, apparently, when it was my turn to take the table he spotted me lining up for shots and, as I'd kneel to check the angle and trajectory, he'd see my hair in a ponytail and he claims it looked like a bloody PINEAPPLE! Now, I do have rather nice hair but I also have something that most people notice which usually eclipses the hair (and, by then, I was sick and tired of the comments about said assets). I am a short woman and I have very large (real) boobies. So, how do you NOT notice them? OK, it could be that I never wore anything too clingy because unlike a lot of women with large (and, often, fake) boobs, I like to disguise the fact that I have boobs. So, he claims he didn't notice them. Uh huh.
Wade and I lived miles apart and we spent hours every day, after work, talking on the phone. I'd go and visit him on the weekends and then it would be back to work. My mum had never wanted me to marry a Brit (I have no idea why, she just didn't like Brits, I suppose, even though that's where we lived and where she'd lived for, I don't know, 20 years?). It wasn't too soon after we met that Wade and I decided we were going to get married. He was a GI at the time but he wasn't due to go back to the US for a couple of years. But he loved living in England and had said he'd try to stay in the UK as long as possible. But, at some point, we'd have to move to the US for at least a couple of years. Say what, chap? It was inevitable but some of us like to live with our heads in the sand. When we told my parents, 2 1/2 months after meeting, that we were going to get married my mum was pretty pleased (though thought it was a bit soon to be deciding that kind of thing) but my dad had a total fit. Won't go into that, though.
Blah blah blah. We got married 9 months after we first met. No, I wasn't pregnant, didn't trap him, didn't marry him to get a green card etc. etc. etc. In fact, when he got his orders to move back to the US he fought it and got extended out to a nearby base (5 miles) in England and we didn't even have to move house. We eventually did have children, moved to the US (which was useless because now we're nowhere near my family (in England) or his (in CA and AZ) because we're in VA. So, that was an excellent move and the weather in VA sucks ass.
Sometimes I do wonder, though, about having married someone from a totally different culture. I make references to some shows I watched when growing up and he has no idea what I'm talking about. Or to some character from some show and he's clueless. He makes reference to Monty Python (which he and Billy have watched) and I have no idea. Just because it's an English show doesn't mean I've watched it, dude! LOL Or I'll make a reference to some music or group and he's, once again, clueless.... And who the hell knows what he's talking about when he talks about school crap from here (in the US). My children go to school here and I just don't get it at all. But then THEY think I went to bloody Hogwarts because I went to an all girls school and we wore uniforms. Plus they saw the buildings last year when we were in England and they think the school looks all Hogwarty (it most certainly doesn't). And, like Hogwarts (or any other English school) we go to high school from 11 - 18 and we have first years and second years and third years etc. etc. etc.
So, I do wonder about marrying outside of your comfort zone BUT who cares? We've been married a long time. We've made our own references and we have our own silly crappy codes and words and communication. And we are weird together as are our children. What does it matter that we didn't grow up in the same country? That I came from a background where nobody I knew had divorced parents and he didn't. What does it matter that he was brought up by his dad and that his dad was a banker and they moved a lot and sometimes, he was in a minority and was one of the few white kids in his school. I was one of the few non totally white kids in mine. And that, I can say, was bloody weird. Out of the 6 or 700 girls in my school there were only about 5 of us who weren't 100% Anglosaxon (aka white). And there was only one black girl in the school. Hardly a diverse school.
Nowadays kids in schools are facing all sorts of family dynamics and some kids come from single family homes, some from 'traditional' family setups (one mum, one dad, still married), same sex families, foster homes, adopted families (either hetero or homosexual partnering)... so much diversity. You'd think there would be more acceptance so why is there not? Why is there bullying? And not just gay kids either? Minority kids. Kids who can't afford the right clothes or shoes. Kids who just aren't popular enough. So glad that, though my school was not diverse, we did not have to put up with the BS clique system that seems to run rampant in schools here.
And now we've gone through the interracial marriages (which people fought from) and we're having people fighting for same sex marriage. Some of the arguments that I've heard for NOT allowing same sex union are so ignorant it makes me wonder from under which rock the morons, who make these statements, crawled. So, if gay women and men should be allowed to marry what's to stop a human from marrying a dog? Say what? And what's to stop an adult from marrying a child? Huh? Well, in some cultures old men DO marry female children and they also have sex with male children. Glad you don't live in those countries now, eh, ignorant and unwashed masses? I'll bet.
When will it end? We all know that same sex marriage will eventually be accepted. What was it? 70 years ago or so people were being put in jail and to death for homosexual activities and now it's legal in most first world countries. But, yet, still illegal in many middle eastern countries.
I rather like the idea that people wouldn't ever have to choose their partner based on gender. I rather like the idea that children aren't brought up to have to play with sex appropriate toys because society dictates what it's OK for a girl to play with and what's OK for a boy to play with. I rather like the idea that a child should be allowed to explore other children as individuals and not based on gender. And, if a girl wants to play with power tools with her mum or dad and a boy wants to bloody knit me a bloody scarf or hat have at it, kid. I'd like mine in a lavender colour please.
What, I wonder, will be the next section of society everyone is up in arms over? Who will be the next targeted group who has to fight for basic human rights? And what's with all the bloody goddamned labels anyway?!
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